I've started using a mindfulness app to help me stay focused throughout the day

Now I'm just mindfully aware of how much I'm procrastinating

I was running late for work and spilled coffee all over my shirt, so I

decided to monologue about the meaninglessness of modern life as I stood there, coffee dripping down my legs, because if I'm going to be a hot mess, I'm going to be a cinematic hot mess.

I was at the grocery store, dramatically navigating the cereal aisle

when I realized I was narrating my own life in a Morgan Freeman voice, 'And so, she reached for the oatmeal, a choice that would change her day forever'

I've been trying to learn how to say no without apologizing,

but so far I've only mastered saying 'I'm so sorry, no' without apologizing for the apology.