I went on a date with a guy who claimed he was a 'free spirit' on his profile

Turns out, that just means he's 30 and still living with his parents

I saw a guy's dating profile where he described himself as 'low-key' and looking for 'good vibes only.'

Which I've learned is code for 'I bring absolutely nothing to the table, and I will never acknowledge your feelings.'

I saw a guy's Tinder bio that said 'Dog dad seeking same'

Like, are you looking for a girlfriend or a playdate for your bulldog?

I turned my morning commute into a cinematic experience, complete with a soundtrack and an imaginary film crew

Now I'm just waiting for the Oscar nomination for 'Best Performance While Sitting in Traffic'