Why did the man name his dick 'Cashew'?

Because every time he got excited, it went nuts.

I asked my financial advisor what the key to long-term satisfaction was.

He just sighed and said, 'Honestly, it's usually over too soon.'

My rock climbing instructor told me I needed to improve my grip.

I told him, 'Funny, my girlfriend always tells me I've got a fantastic grip.'

My girlfriend spent an hour in the dressing room yesterday trying on new pants.

When she finally emerged, she sighed and said, "It was a tight squeeze, and took a lot of maneuvering, but I think I'm really going to enjoy these."