I told my wife she was going to be a great musician, but she didn't believe me.

Now she's a maestro of disappointment, but I still think she's a note-worthy singer.

Why don't scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

So I was at the park with my kids, and we saw a guy playing fetch with his dog, but the dog wasn't bringing the ball back. Instead, it was just running around in circles, looking really confused. The owner was getting frustrated, so I decided to ask him what was wrong

and he said his dog was paws-itive it was a fetch-failure

My daughter was doing her homework and came to me complaining. She said her pencil wasn't working and she couldn't write anything.

I told her, 'Well, if it's not working, it sounds like it's pointless!'