So, I was at the restaurant the other night, and I asked the waiter if they had any specials. He told me about their amazing seafood platter, and I told him it sounded delicious.

Then I asked him, 'Do you accept crustaceans?'

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.

I'm trying to become a mushroom farmer, but it's a fun-gi job to learn

I took my cat to the vet, and they said it was having some vision problems.

I guess you could say it was having a paws-itive correlation between its eyesight and its purr-manent blindness.