My daughter was doing her homework and came to me complaining. She said her pencil wasn't working and she couldn't write anything.

I told her, 'Well, if it's not working, it sounds like it's pointless!'

I'm having a grape time at the wine tasting, it's a fruit-ful experience.

So I was at the beach with my kids, and we saw a big sandcastle that someone had built. The kids were impressed by how tall it was, and we started talking about who could have made it. I joked that it must have been a professional builder, and then I saw the sign next to it that said

it was a 'castle' in the sand, built by a 'grain' architect

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired!