I've been trying to adult by following boomer advice

But it turns out 'investing in myself' just means I'm $50,000 in debt with a degree and a Peloton

I told my therapist I've been struggling to practice self-compassion

So she charged me extra for being mean to myself during the session

My doctor asked me about my long-term health plan.

I told him, 'Well, if things don't pick up, I'm just researching the best prices for my organs.'

My therapist asked if I did my journaling homework.

I said, 'Yes, I journaled about how I didn't want to do my journaling homework.'