I asked my boomer parents for housing advice

They told me to 'just stop eating avocado toast', like that's the down payment on a McMansion

My company says 'we're a family here.'

Which explains why I'm emotionally exhausted and constantly planning my escape.

My manager told us to 'embrace the chaos.'

Which I quickly translated to: 'we're understaffed and you're not getting a raise.'

I just got a raise, but it's all relative

because now I can afford ramen noodles twice a week instead of once