I asked my parents for housing advice, and they said to just 'save up' and 'be patient',

which is like telling someone to 'just breathe' while they're drowning in student loans.

I'm considering buying a house, but the prices are outrageous

I've got a better chance of winning the lottery than getting a mortgage with a payment that doesn't require a second job... or a second lottery win

I love how our company says 'we're a family here'

except when it's performance review time and suddenly I'm a foster kid up for adoption

Our company's 'no meeting day' was so popular that

management decided to schedule a meeting to discuss how well it's going