I went to the grocery store to pick up some milk, but as I was walking down the aisle, I felt the urge to add some flair to my shopping experience.

So, I started voicing my inner monologue out loud, 'I'll just grab this gallon of 2%... the choice of a woman who's given up on love, but still holds on to hope... and also needs cereal for the week.'

I saw a guy's Tinder bio that said he's a 'free spirit' who 'lives life on his own terms'

But his profile picture was him posing in front of a Mom-approved kitchen backdrop

I was trying to open a jar of pickles yesterday, and it just wouldn't budge.

I didn't just struggle; I dropped to my knees, looked up at the ceiling, and delivered a full Shakespearean monologue about the futility of human endeavor against the unyielding forces of the universe, all to the backdrop of a soaring orchestral score only I could hear.

I swear, the most anxiety-inducing moment of my day isn't forgetting my keys or running late for work.

It's realizing my phone is at 15% and I still haven't scrolled through my friend's 30-part Instagram story about her weekend brunch.