I asked my parents for housing advice, and they said to just 'save up' and 'be patient',

which is like telling someone to 'just breathe' while they're drowning in student loans.

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update

but my manager said that would 'kill the synergy' – code for 'I love hearing myself talk'.

I've been doing the work in therapy to improve my attachment style

Now I can healthily detach from my responsibilities and procrastinate with self-awareness

My biggest fear isn't dying.

It's having to pay for the funeral.