I'm having a grape time at the wine tasting, but it's a crushing experience.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

What do you call a magician who lost his magic?

Ian.

Your mom asked me to try and fix the coffee maker this morning, because it was really slow and sputtering. I tinkered with it for a bit, but it just wouldn't cooperate.

I guess it was still trying to perk up.