Why did the stairs always get in trouble?

Because they were always up to something!

Your mom asked me to try and fix the coffee maker this morning, because it was really slow and sputtering. I tinkered with it for a bit, but it just wouldn't cooperate.

I guess it was still trying to perk up.

I was feeling pretty sleepy this morning after staying up late last night. My son asked me why I looked so tired as I was pouring my coffee.

I told him, 'I guess I'm just feeling a little *depresso*!'

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.