Why did the Christmas tree go to the therapist?

Because it was feeling a little root-less and wanted to branch out.

What did Ralphie's mom say when he asked for a pet rabbit for Christmas?

You'll shoot your *hare* out!

Why do Christmas carolers always sound so insistent?

Because they won't leave until they get their figgy pudding!

Why did Santa's elves go to the North Pole's HR department?

Because they wanted to work on their clause for concern!