He put in his profile that he was 'over the drama' and wanted a 'no-fuss, chill' girl.

Then he spent our entire first date explaining why his last four relationships were 'crazy'.

I spent a solid hour this morning making myself look 'effortlessly put together.'

Which means I've now got about a three-hour grace period before humidity, gravity, or my own face decides to stage a coup.

My date was running 15 minutes late, which was actually perfect, because it gave me just enough time...

...to frantically clear the pile of 'clothes I tried on and rejected' from my bed and shove the three empty La Croix cans into the recycling bin, so my apartment looked effortlessly tidy instead of a pre-date war zone.

I finally blocked out an hour for 'self-care' last night.

I spent 15 minutes trying to find the right guided meditation on YouTube, 20 minutes wondering if my face mask was expired, and the last 25 minutes stress-cleaning my bathroom before I could relax.