I've been trying to adult by creating a budget and tracking my expenses, but

it turns out I've just been categorizing my anxiety into different spreadsheet columns.

I went on a date with a guy who said he was 'really into traveling' and 'loves trying new cultures'

But his passport had exactly two stamps: Cabo and his parents' timeshare in Orlando

Guys love to put 'fluent in sarcasm' in their dating app bios.

Which I guess is easier than being fluent in, you know, 'replying to texts' or 'asking follow-up questions'.

My male friends can leave the house in five minutes flat.

I need five minutes just to locate my 'everyday' purse, which usually contains a rogue earring, three different chapsticks, and the entire emotional baggage of my 20s.