I saw a guy's social media post about 'manifesting his dreams' and 'being a go-getter'

but his LinkedIn profile says he's been a 'freelance social media consultant' for 5 years, which is just code for 'I still live with my parents'

He said his ideal partner was someone 'spontaneous and adventurous,' someone who 'isn't afraid to explore new horizons.'

His entire Hinge profile was just pictures of him holding different craft beers, and the only 'new horizon' he mentioned was a new brewery opening with better parking.

He complimented me by saying, 'You're so chill, not like other girls.'

And I just nodded, thinking, 'Buddy, my 'chill' is 90% emotional exhaustion from dealing with guys like you.'

I went to the DMV to renew my license, but I didn't just wait in line

I was waiting for my cue, rehearsing my lines, and perfecting my 'determined citizen' monologue for when they called my number