I saw a guy's Tinder bio that said he was a 'dog dad' with a 'heart of gold'

But his only photos were of him holding someone else's dog

I've started noticing that guys on dating apps love to claim they're 'foodies'

But when you ask them to recommend a restaurant, they send you a screenshot of a grilled cheese they made in 2018

He told me he was an 'alpha male' who 'takes charge' and 'knows what he wants.'

Then spent ten minutes asking his phone what the weather was like tomorrow.

I was at the grocery store, dramatically navigating the cereal aisle

when I realized I was narrating my own life in a Morgan Freeman voice, 'And so, she reached for the oatmeal, a choice that would change her day forever'