I told my girlfriend I was thinking of taking up a new instrument.

She said, 'Why? You already have one, and you barely know how to play it yet.'

I went on a date with a woman who said she was looking for a man who could 'go all night long'.

I told her I could definitely stay awake for eight hours, but she seemed less impressed when I clarified I meant binge-watching a documentary about competitive cheese rolling.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more passionate and put more effort into our sex life.

I told her, 'Baby, I'm putting in all the effort *I've got*. You want more, you gotta start paying me.'

My wife told me she needed me to really get down and dirty tonight, handle something long and stiff, and then help her get it off.

She just wanted me to help her change the vacuum cleaner bag.