A man and a woman walked into a bar, and the bartender looked up and said, 'What is this, some kind of joke?' The woman smiled and said they were on their first date, and the man had promised to show her a great time.

So he pulled out a condom and said, 'Let's get started on the main course.'

I've been dating a clockmaker, and she's always trying to wind me up

I told my date I was an avid explorer.

She said, 'Oh really? So you're good at finding hidden passages and going deep into unknown territory?'

I've been dating a girl who's a professional architect, and she's always trying to redesign our sex life.

Now every time we hook up, it's a blueprint for disaster.