What did Ralphie's mom say when he asked for a pet rabbit for Christmas?

You'll shoot your *hare* out!

Why did my true love get me a gift receipt instead of the actual presents from 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'?

Because returning nine ladies dancing and ten lords a-leaping is a logistical nightmare.

What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?

A cookie sheet

What do you call a group of cows singing Christmas carols?

A moo-sical choir