Why was the Thanksgiving meal always so well-respected?

Because it had so much gravy-tas.

In my family, Thanksgiving dinner is like a competitive sport.

The winner is whoever can deflect the most personal questions without choking on a dinner roll.

I love how my family's Thanksgiving dinner is supposed to be a judgment-free zone

but somehow my aunt always manages to fit in a critique of my life choices between the mashed potatoes and the green beans

Why did the turkey refuse to join the school band?

Because he already had drumsticks!