I've been dating a girl who's a professional gemstone polisher

and she's always trying to get me to rub her the right way

I told my girlfriend I was thinking of taking up a new instrument.

She said, 'Why? You already have one, and you barely know how to play it yet.'

My personal trainer told me I needed to focus on deeper stretches.

I told him I was already doing my best to get them in every night.

My girlfriend wanted to try role-playing in bed last night.

I told her I'd be the mailman, but she'd have to wait outside naked and I'd just leave the package on the porch.