I've been dating a girl who's into ghosting, which is weird because

I'm starting to think she's just into haunt-ing me after sex.

My date told me she loved a man who could really handle his dough. She wanted me to come over and show her how I work it, get it nice and firm, and then help her make it rise.

We ended up baking bread for her charity bake sale.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her 'knight in shining armor' in the bedroom.

So I showed up in full plate mail and spent the next hour trying to figure out how to get my dick out.

I've been taking private dance lessons from a beautiful instructor, and she's been teaching me how to grind with precision, really thrust my hips, and make every move count.

Now I'm finally comfortable with my body and can tango in front of my family.