My neighbor called me over late last night, frantic because her pipes were really backed up. She said she needed a big, strong man to come over and give them a good pounding until everything started flowing freely again.

Turns out she just needed a plunger.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional librarian, and she's always trying to get me to check out her catalog and see if we have a good connection.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to 'take her breath away' in bed.

I said, 'Honey, I thought we agreed we were done with the chokeholds.'

My girlfriend told me she wanted to spice things up in the bedroom, said she wanted me to try 'anything I've always fantasized about.'

So I spent the night meticulously organizing my sock drawer, occasionally asking her if she liked the new filing system.