My dad's idea of retirement is not traveling the world, but finally having enough time to

finish the backyard deck he started 10 years ago

I once asked my dad for directions, and he told me, 'Just keep going straight until you know you're lost, then you're probably close.'

I used to think he just had a terrible sense of direction, but now I realize he was teaching me that even when I feel a little lost, he's always my true north.

My dad's idea of retail therapy...

...is walking through the hardware store, picking up random bolts and muttering, 'I'll need this someday.'

I caught my dad yelling at the TV during a cooking show, and I asked him why he was so upset.

He said the chef was grilling him with incorrect techniques.