I'm thinking about starting a family.

But then I remember climate change, and I just buy another houseplant.

I'm at the point where I'm considering a 30-year mortgage

which is also the expected lifespan of my avocado toast-fueled liver

I finally achieved financial stability.

Now I can afford the premium subscription to my anxiety app.

My doctor asked me about my long-term health plan.

I told him, 'Well, if things don't pick up, I'm just researching the best prices for my organs.'