I've been searching for a affordable apartment

but it seems the only thing I can afford is a participation trophy for trying

My biggest fear isn't dying.

It's having to pay for the funeral.

I've been trying to save up for a down payment on a house

but at this point, I'm just trying to afford the therapy sessions to deal with the fact that I'll never own a house

I just got a raise, but it's basically just an inflation adjustment

So now I can afford last year's lifestyle, congratulations to me