My therapist asked me what my five-year plan was.

I told her, 'Survive and maybe afford therapy for another five years?'

I asked my manager if I could stop coming to meetings that could've been emails, and they said

it's about 'being present' and 'synergy' – code for 'I don't trust you to actually read the email'.

Our company's 'no meeting day' was so popular that

management decided to schedule a meeting to discuss how well it's going

I've been working really hard to build my personal brand.

Turns out my personal brand is just 'tired.'