In my family, the most competitive event at Thanksgiving isn't football or eating the most pie.

It's seeing who can fall asleep on the couch first after dinner.

Why did the cranberry sauce feel embarrassed?

Because it saw the turkey dressing!

Alright everyone, as I prepare to carve into this magnificent bird...

...just promise me you won't get *fowl*-tempered waiting for your slice!

Our family's Thanksgiving dinner is like a recipe for disaster

Because we're always mixing relatives and politics