I've been trying to develop a self-care routine in therapy

But so far, it just consists of apologizing to my plants for neglecting them

My therapist asked me what my five-year plan was.

I told her, 'Survive and maybe afford therapy for another five years?'

Our CEO kept saying 'we're a family here' until I asked for a vacation day to attend my actual family's reunion

and suddenly I was 'abandoning the team'.

My therapist said I need to 'regulate my nervous system.'

My nervous system said, 'Just one more TikTok.'