I went to the DMV to renew my license, but I didn't just wait in line

I was waiting for my cue, rehearsing my lines, and perfecting my 'determined citizen' monologue for when they called my number

My morning commute isn't just traffic.

It's the opening credits of my own indie film, complete with a custom soundtrack, dramatic lighting, and me staring pensively out the window, knowing that *this* is the montage where I find my true calling.

My therapist told me I need to find healthy ways to de-stress and just 'be present.'

So I tried a guided meditation, but my brain spent the entire session mentally listing every chore I'd be neglecting by being present.

I saw a guy's dating profile where he described himself as 'low-key' and looking for 'good vibes only.'

Which I've learned is code for 'I bring absolutely nothing to the table, and I will never acknowledge your feelings.'