I was at the grocery store, and as I reached for the last loaf of bread, I felt a surge of drama

So I monologued to the entire aisle, 'It's not just a loaf of bread, it's a symbol of hope in a world that's always trying to toast us'

My co-worker just casually asked if I had any fun weekend plans.

Now my brain is frantically trying to decide if 'binge-watching a show in pajamas' sounds impressively chill or pathetically unaccomplished.

I saw a guy's dating profile that said he's a 'free spirit' who 'lives in the moment'

But his bio was 500 words long and included a meticulously curated list of his favorite hikes and craft beers

I love how some guys on their dating profiles claim they're 'passionate about travel' and 'love adventure.'

Turns out 'adventure' means driving an hour to a different state's Buffalo Wild Wings.