My girlfriend told me she wanted to go on a really wild adventure in bed.

So I told her, 'Great, let's try not faking it this time.'

Why did the man name his dick 'Cashew'?

Because every time he got excited, it went nuts.

My piano teacher told me I needed to really 'finger' the keys with more passion, get my 'rhythm' just right, and make the whole piece build up to a powerful 'climax'.

I think he just wants me to practice my sonata.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional architect, and she's always trying to redesign our sex life.

Now every time we hook up, it's a blueprint for disaster.