I've figured out the secret to looking like a woman who has her life completely together.

It's owning one really good blazer and mastering the art of expertly hiding all your tiny existential crises underneath it.

I went on a date with a guy who said he was a 'minimalist'

His apartment had 12 video game consoles and a signed poster of himself

He complimented me by saying, 'You're so chill, not like other girls.'

And I just nodded, thinking, 'Buddy, my 'chill' is 90% emotional exhaustion from dealing with guys like you.'

I went on a date with a guy who claimed he was a 'free spirit' on his profile

Turns out, that just means he's 30 and still living with his parents