Why did the turkey refuse to play cards?

He was afraid of getting plucked!

My family's Thanksgiving dinner is the one place where

the only thing we pass around the table more often than the mashed potatoes is criticism.

Why did the stuffing always get invited to the Thanksgiving dinner parties?

Because it was great at giving sage advice!

In my family, the most competitive event at Thanksgiving isn't football or eating the most pie.

It's seeing who can fall asleep on the couch first after dinner.