I got my dad a personalized weather station for Father's Day, thinking it would satisfy his obsession with forecasting the weather.

Now he just complains that the actual weather isn't following his forecast.

My dad's garage is so organized,

he can find a screw from 1992, but still can't find his reading glasses that he left on the workbench 5 minutes ago.

My dad spent all Saturday in the garage, and when I asked him what he was working on, he said

nothing, just maintaining a 20-year relationship with his toolbox

My dad said he didn't need a thing for Father's Day this year.

But then he added, 'Unless you happen to know where my *other* tape measure is. The good one.'