My wife told me to buy a new calendar.

I told her there was no point, its days are numbered anyway.

So I was trying to fix a squeaky door hinge in the house today, and my son came over to watch. He asked me why the door was making such a loud noise every time I opened it.

I told him it was because the door was feeling unhinged!

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

So I was at the store today with my kids, and we saw a huge display of eggs. The kids were cracking each other up, making jokes about eggs, and we started talking about omelets and scrambled eggs. I asked the store manager if they had any special deals on eggs, and he said

they were egg-cellent values