I've started using a productivity app that tracks my daily habits and goals, and it's been really helpful, except for one thing:

it still can't account for the 3 hours I spend each day mentally rehearsing conversations I'll never actually have.

I saw a guy's social media post about 'manifesting his dreams' and 'being a go-getter'

but his LinkedIn profile says he's been a 'freelance social media consultant' for 5 years, which is just code for 'I still live with my parents'

My date was running 15 minutes late, which was actually perfect, because it gave me just enough time...

...to frantically clear the pile of 'clothes I tried on and rejected' from my bed and shove the three empty La Croix cans into the recycling bin, so my apartment looked effortlessly tidy instead of a pre-date war zone.

My main character energy is so intense, when I'm stuck on hold with customer service...

...I rehearse an Oscar-worthy monologue about corporate injustice, complete with dramatic pauses, just in case they decide to pick up mid-soliloquy.