I spent an hour perfecting my 'just rolled out of bed' look this morning.

My coworker said, 'Wow, you look so refreshed, like you barely tried!' And honestly, that's the highest compliment a woman can get.

He told me he was looking for a 'low-maintenance' woman.

Honey, if 'low maintenance' means I don't need you to hang a shelf, then yes, I am *incredibly* low maintenance. Because I already bought the drill and did it myself.

I've been trying to learn how to say no without apologizing,

but so far I've only mastered saying 'I'm so sorry, no' without apologizing for the apology.

My friend just got new bangs and asked me if they made her look younger.

I took a deep breath, calculated the optimal response time between 'immediate enthusiastic lie' and 'brutal honesty that ends a friendship,' and finally said, 'They definitely... *frame your face*!'