They told me to get a side hustle.

Now I have three 'main' hustles and I'm still broke.

I'm at the point where I'm considering a 30-year mortgage

which is also the expected lifespan of my avocado toast-fueled liver

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update,

but my manager said that would undermine the 'synergy' we create by all staring at each other in silence for 15 minutes.

I asked my manager why our meeting couldn't have been an email

And they said 'because then we wouldn't have had the opportunity to synergize our thought processes and disrupt the paradigm of traditional communication'