I just turned the age my parents were when they bought their first house.

I just hit 'add to cart' on a new houseplant.

My therapist asked me what my biggest fantasy was.

I told her: a 40-hour work week.

My therapist asked me what my five-year plan was.

I told her, 'Survive and maybe afford therapy for another five years?'

My financial advisor asked me about my long-term investments.

I told him, 'My houseplants. They're the only thing in my life consistently showing growth.'