What's a vampire's favorite fruit?

A neck-tarine!

I was trying to start a garden in my backyard, but I was having trouble getting the seeds to grow. I checked the soil, the sunlight, and the watering schedule, but nothing seemed to be working. I decided to consult with a gardening expert, who told me the problem was

I wasn't planting the seeds deep enough, I guess you could say I wasn't getting to the root of the problem.

I told my wife she was going to start a tree-mendous gardening career

but she just wanted to branch out and try something new

I'm trying to start a career in welding, but it's not a glowing review yet.