Alright everyone, it's time for the moment you've all been waiting for. I'm about to perform the sacred Thanksgiving duty of carving this magnificent bird...

I just hope I don't *wing* it!

Why did the cranberry sauce go to therapy?

Because it was feeling a little jellied under the pressure

Why did the cranberry sauce go to the doctor?

It was feeling a little tart!

My dad spends weeks bragging about his 'secret recipe' for the Thanksgiving turkey.

The secret ingredient, we've discovered, is usually 20 extra minutes in the oven and a fire extinguisher.