I've been taking private lessons from a professional clockmaker

and she's been teaching me how to wind people up

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to tease her more in bed.

I said, 'Alright, but you're not getting an orgasm until you finally fix that leaky faucet.'

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to try something new, something 'really deep and meaningful' in our relationship.

So I spent an hour trying to figure out if she meant anal or missionary.

My wife told me she needed me to really get down and dirty tonight, handle something long and stiff, and then help her get it off.

She just wanted me to help her change the vacuum cleaner bag.