My girlfriend said she was bored with our sex life and wanted to try something that would really get her heart racing and leave her breathless.

So I suggested we do it in my mom's living room.

My neighbor asked if I could come over and help her out. She said she had a really stubborn patch in her garden that just wouldn't get wet enough, no matter how much she tried to work it herself. She really needed a big, strong man to come over, get it good and soft, and then jam something long and hard right in there.

Turns out she wanted me to help her plant a new fence post.

I've been dating a girl who's a talented architect, and she's always trying to design the perfect bedroom

But honestly, I think she's just trying to build a case for why I'm always on top

I've been dating a girl who's a professional gemstone polisher

and she's always trying to get me to rub her the right way