I'm at the point where I'm considering a 30-year mortgage

which is also the expected lifespan of my avocado toast-fueled liver

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update, but my manager said

that would ruin the 'synergy' of watching each other drink coffee for 15 minutes

My therapist encouraged me to find healthy ways to self-soothe.

So I started color-coding my anxiety spreadsheet.

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update,

but my manager said that would undermine the 'synergy' we create by all staring at each other in silence for 15 minutes.