My doctor asked me about my long-term health plan.

I told him, 'Well, if things don't pick up, I'm just researching the best prices for my organs.'

I've been trying to adult by following boomer advice,

but it turns out 'just start a garden' doesn't actually pay my rent.

My therapist told me I need healthier coping mechanisms.

So I started doom-scrolling for articles about healthy coping mechanisms.

I've been trying to afford a house, but the only thing I can actually afford is

a 30-year subscription to Zillow