I bought a new pair of jeans that advertised 'invisible stretch technology.'

Turns out, 'invisible' just means they invisibly judge every single one of my life choices as I try to get them on.

I went on a date with a guy who said he was 'really into photography'

His camera roll was 90% selfies and 10% poorly lit meals

His dating app bio said he was an 'adventure seeker looking for his partner in crime'.

Turns out, his biggest adventure was choosing between regular and extra-spicy mayo for his chicken sandwich.

I was at the post office sending a package,

but I didn't just mail it, I 'released it into the universe, letting go of the past and embracing the uncertainty of its journey, as the soundtrack of my life swelled in the background'.