I finally found a dress with actual, functional pockets yesterday.

I almost didn't buy it, because I wasn't sure I was ready for that level of commitment to practicality. My phone usually just lives in my bra.

He told me he was looking for a woman who was 'effortlessly beautiful' and 'doesn't try too hard.'

Honey, if I didn't 'try hard,' I'd show up in last night's sweatpants, a hair tie still on my wrist, and ask if you had any leftover pizza.

I've started following all the fashion bloggers who post about 'aging gracefully' and 'embracing my natural beauty'

which is just code for 'I'm 30 now and have to buy better moisturizer'

When I'm getting dressed in the morning, it's not just about picking an outfit.

It's a costume fitting, complete with an internal monologue about the day's emotional arc, and a final check to ensure my shoes will make the perfect dramatic click when I walk into the kitchen.