My date was running 15 minutes late, which was actually perfect, because it gave me just enough time...

...to frantically clear the pile of 'clothes I tried on and rejected' from my bed and shove the three empty La Croix cans into the recycling bin, so my apartment looked effortlessly tidy instead of a pre-date war zone.

I saw a guy's dating profile where he described himself as 'low-key' and looking for 'good vibes only.'

Which I've learned is code for 'I bring absolutely nothing to the table, and I will never acknowledge your feelings.'

He told me he was 'super busy' and 'just couldn't commit to anything serious right now.'

But judging by his Instagram stories, he seemed to have plenty of time to perfectly arrange six different artisanal cheeses on a charcuterie board for himself.

This dude on Hinge listed his biggest red flag as 'drama queens.'

His entire profile was basically a subtweet manifesto about exes and 'toxic people.'