His dating app bio said he was an 'adventure seeker looking for his partner in crime'.

Turns out, his biggest adventure was choosing between regular and extra-spicy mayo for his chicken sandwich.

Guys always say they want a 'strong, independent woman' who 'knows what she wants.'

Then you actually *tell* them what you want, and suddenly you're 'intimidating' or 'too opinionated.' Pick a lane, fellas.

I was running errands the other day

and I narrated my entire trip to the post office in a David Attenborough voice, because even mailing a package can be a wildlife documentary if you commit to it

My main character energy is so strong, if I chip a nail...

...I don't just get annoyed. I immediately cue the dramatic music and start a monologue about the fragility of perfection and the sudden, irreversible unraveling of my entire day.