People always ask me what my significant other is getting me for Valentine's Day.

My significant other is Amazon Prime, and they're getting me whatever I put in my cart at 2 AM last Tuesday.

Why did the couple bring a ladder on their Valentine's Day date?

Because they wanted to take their relationship to new heights

Are you a heart?

Because you're absolutely vital for pumping blood throughout my circulatory system.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor on Valentine's Day?

Because it felt crumby and wanted a sweet diagnosis