I'm reading a book on Valentine's Day history

It's a real page-turner, mainly because it's empty

I've been trying to find my perfect match on dating apps

but so far, it's just been a series of swipes, disappointment, and proof that my friends were wrong when they said I'm a catch

They say diamonds are forever, and chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hand...

...but my preferred Valentine's gift is a streaming service that doesn't ask 'Are you still watching?' because it *knows* I am.

Why did the chocolate go to the Valentine's Day party?

Because it wanted to melt some hearts