My parents always told me to follow my dreams.

Now my dreams are just about affording groceries that aren't on sale.

My therapist told me I need healthier coping mechanisms.

So I started doom-scrolling for articles about healthy coping mechanisms.

I asked my boomer dad for housing advice

He said 'just save up and put 20% down', which is like telling me to 'just buy a unicorn and ride it to work'

I asked my boomer dad for advice on buying a house

He said 'just work harder and cut back on avocado toast', I said 'dad, I'm a freelance writer, my only income is from avocado toast reviews'